Sammy - I will be responding in Pink and Miles will be responding in Orange
Sammy and Miles
You know I love you both furry furry much. I have loved you since the minute I saw both of you - Sammy in the garden, all cold and abandonded and scared, and Miles with your kitty mommy and siblings. I love cuddling both of you and the hundreds of kissies I get each day. I love to watch you run around and chase each other. I love to see your silly sweet face peeking at me from under the covers in the middle of the night. We loves you too Mommy
HOWEVER, we need to go over the rules of the house again. Rules schmooles
For instance, whenever I open the door to the "human litterbox room" in the middle of the night, after running down the hall, it's usually becuase I have to use the "human litterbox" right away. I do not have the time to stand there while you jump on the seat and stand there and stare at me before you jump on the windowsill - Sammy. You have in the past, sat on me when I have stood on the human litterbox. If you have to go that bad, close the door.
Also Sammy, in the little "human litterbox room" downstairs, I would like to know if you thought it was really fun to watch the 17 cents splash into the bowl while you pushed it off the counter. How did you get in there anyway? Yes, it was fun to watch them splash into the human litter box. Again, close the door and I won't do fings like that
Speaking of pushing things Miles - is it really that much fun to push the drawers out of the new coffee table on a daily basis so that I have to put them back when I get home from "werk?". In a werd YES. Also, is it necessary to bring mouthfulls of your stinky goodness out into the living room and drop them on the floor when I give you dinner at night? I only do that when it's gross stinky goodness, and I'm trying to show you how gross it is.
Where have all my socks gone? The sock monster taked them. I know I take them off my feet when I get in the bathtub, but they are gone by the time I get out of the tub. Somewhere in the house there are at least 30 pairs of socks hiding. Do you know anything about this Sammy? I has seen the sock monster, and he is scary, I am not messing wif him. Is Norton coming back to steal my socks every night like he used to, or did you just take really good notes for almost 2 years and learn his tricks? Well, I did take notes, but it's the Sock Monster.
Miles - water is actually WET. and if you stick your paw in the tub at night when I am sitting there, it will get wet. Every time. I don't know why you have to sample it every night if you're just going to run away and jump on the bed with wet.................nevermind, I am on to you now. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. I likes watching you get into a wet bed.
Sammy, I actually use both my mouth and nose to breathe. You don't need to use bof at the same time. Sleeping directly over them will in fact make me gasp for air and flail about in the bed at night. I know that this makes you laugh really hard, but do you have to do it every night? Um YES. I do have to thank you for being a good boy lately though - I have not gotten hit in the head with flying objects from the nightstand. I appreciate that. Expect the unexpected
Who has learned to use the TV remote? The Sock Monster. I don't know! I know that the TV is off when I leave in the mornings. How come it's on sometimes when I get home at night? Maybe the Sock Monster wants to watch your stoopid soap operas.
Lastly, about the "I POOPED" rampage through the house, Sammy. Thanks for the warning that there's a present for me in the litterbox, but really, you don't have to do it at 2:30am. Yes I do, Norton didded it all the time too and you nefurr yelled at him. and Miles, holy cow. Is there a problem with your digestive tract, maybe you should not let me eat cheese or do you just do that on purpose to give me "smellavision" dreams at night? that's just an added benefit. I have gone through 4 of the extra size jars of Vicks Vapo-Rub and 3 cans of Febreeze Air Effects in the last 2 months Seriously, I'm going to move that box back to the dungeon now that we don't have a senior catizen that needs it upstairs. But it's so much easier to haf it upstairs, we dont'want to go down 2 flights of stairs just to poo.
You know that I love you both, and I am fairly certain that you love me for more than litter scooping and treat giving. A little consideration sometimes would be a nice thing. We will fink about it. Yes, we will fink about it. But ferst we has to nap.