Ok "Mother" - if that is your real name. We haf had this talk 'afore. But 'parently, you seem to have swiss cheese for a brain, so we need to go through this AGAIN.
1. When you are going into the human litterbox room, I ALWAYS jump on onto the human litterbox after you put the lid up, to get to the windowsill. Yes, I can jump from the floor, and do it all the time when you is not there. WHY does you NOT LOOK and insist on sitting your jinormous tooshie on me and making me splash into the human litterbox (STOP LAFFIN AND LAFFIN! I'm TIRED of being wet. NO, I will not stop this behavior).
2. When you feed me stinky goodness, you MUST pick me up and kiss me on the head or I am not able to eat it. Cripes. It's only been 3 stinking years and you can't 'amember this?
3. I will ALWAYS run down to the dungeon when you open the door. I wait for it all day and am furry alert to your steps down the hall. I HAF to go talk to The One Who Came Before in the corner of the dungeon where his couch is. Eifurr you need to deal wif it, or stop watcing "The Blair Witch Project" movie. (if you haf seen the end of that movie, you know what it's like to watch me in the corner, I'm LOUD and freaky.)
4. I will snuggle wif you in snuggling posishun ON MY SCHEDULE, NOT YOURS. If I do not feeling like snuggling in snuggling posishun, I will lay across your head or face. Deal. Wif. It.
5. Whapping is my nature. If you doesn't want anyfing whapped into your head (including the rather large clock radio that takes me most of the night to silently move to the edge of the table) then don't put anyfing on the table. No light. No clock radio. No glasses (if you need to see when you get up, just keep them on your face when you sleep. Too bad if it herts when I lay on your face). No remotes for the TV. no phones. No table clof. Akshually, no table, 'cause if there was nofing on it, I would knock it ofurr.
6. DO NOT CALL ME "PEG-LEG PETE". I love butt skritchies. I stand on my tippytoes when you skritch the right spot at the base of my tail. It does NOT look like I haf peg-legs when I stand this way.
7. I like hanging ofurr the balcony and looking into the lifing room. stop yelling at me to stop.
8. Yes, I haf to eat the fev-vers out of your pillows.
9. Yes, when I eat too many of them, I haf to barf up a pile of fev-vers in the hallway.
10. I still love you - but you're getting on MY LAST NERVE.
DOES YOU UNNERSTAND?
SAMMY Dear The Mom STAHP PUTTING THAT OINTMENT CRAP ON MINE BELLY. It's GROSS
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