Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Meezer Rule and Whapping Wednesday


My rule for today: don't sleep with your tongue sticking out if you really don't like your mommy flapping it with her finger and going "PPBPBPBPBPBPBPB" and "PPPBBBBBFFFTTTT" and laffin and laffin. How hoo-mil-ee-ating.


OH BOY!!! I was so 'acited last week to get your questions and I am going to answer some of them today!! I will answer more next week.

Here we go!!

From Auntie Bee (we loves you Auntie Bee!!): well my qwestion is this: when i whap sarge in the middle of the night and he wakes up am i supposed to act all innocent like? that is what i have been doing so far. i think he is getting wise. any ideas?
Auntie Bee: Yes, you is 'posed to act innocent like. If you tell him you was flapping your arms around because a mosquito was buzzing around your head, he will believe it and go back to sleep.

From Cecil: I fink I need more whapping techniques. I noticed I have just been going for the bitey lately and not been using my whapping skills. Do you have any new techniques?
Cecil, it's hard to give up the bitey, isn't it? Perhaps you could alternate using the bitey and whapping. Or, you would do a fake bitey and finish with a strong whap. That always confuses people. They will tell you to not bite it, but then while they are saying that, reach out your paw and WHAP

From Tiki, Tavi, Cody and Camie: I thought anything was fair game as far as whapping is concerned. Is that not so?
TTC&C: Everything is fair game, but you haf to unnerstand what can and can't be whapped in plain sight. It just saves you the trouble of trying to ignore the yelling when you whap something they consider "valuable"

From Parker: What's the rule for freshly planted flowers in a pot on the deck? Just the petals or the entire plant? Should I include the dirt? Please advise
Parker: oh the entire plant!! unless of course you like eating the petals (flowers, yummmmmmmm). Dirt should be included for that extra annoyance factor

From BeauBeau and Angie: Does one whap and then move, or is a whap in place technique preferable?
BeauBeau and Angie: It all depends on how much is in front of you. If the whappables are all in a group then whap in place, if they are in a line or spread out, whap and move.

From Dragonheart and Merlin: Sammy, what's the best way to avoid being attacked by the nasty water bottle when whapping?
Guys: I doesn't get the nasty water bottle, but everyone in a while I does get a wad of paper thrown at me (like THAT would deter me). My advice is to maintain a low profile while whapping to reduce the target area - crouch and whap my friends, crouch and whap.

The last question for the week is from my lovely girlfriend Abby (****blowin kissies****) SammyI tried to whap Boo last night but Momma stopped me in mid-paw (I was on her lap when I tried this man-knew-ver). I need to find a way to whap Boo without Mom stopping me.
Abby my sweet princess, It sounds like you need more speed behind your whap. I am willing to give you private tutoring sessions.

There are lots more wonderful questions to answer - and I may answer some of them this Friday as well, if mommy lets me.


The Devil Dog said...

Those are great answers to your whapping questions, Sammy. I know Lucky certainly paid close attention to them. Thanks for the lessons. (NOT!) Especially since she used them on ME!

Asfor you, Miles, well, keep your tongue in your mouth. That's all I can say. I am a pug, I know these things.


Angus Mhor said...

My staff just could NOT STOP LAUGHING at the mental image of your tongue goingPBPBPBPBPBPBPB, Miles..she can hardly TYPE, she's laughing so hard.
Sammy, terrific pointers, and I think you are very chivalrous to give Abby tutoring sessions...:wink:

DK & The Fluffies said...

I'm good with all those, except the whapping of Miss Boo - sorry Abby.

Cheysuli and gemini said...

Well Miles, you are right--not such a good thing from your person.

Sammy those were excellent answers to those questions. If I may expound on Abby's question: get Boo when the human is off to work.

DEBRA said...

Oh Sammy I hafta to tell yu I got a GUD whap of Boo dis mornin a'fore Momma cood put da stopey on me. I wuz not happy dat Momma picked Boo up and put her on da counter so I jumped up and HISSED and grabbed Boo by da furrs a'fore Momma cood do anyfing. I gotta me sum Boo furrs and whapped her twice and off she ran. I fink it wuz dos private whappin lessons. We needs to half anutter lesson to purrfect my tek-niks.

**wavin paws**
Bye Billy
Bye Miles

**blowin kisses**
Bye to my sweet handsome floofy super extraordinaire whapper meezerman

Purrs and nosekisses
Your adoring little petite whappin baby

Parker said...

Oh Master Sammy, thank you. The next time I am on the deck, the petunias are toast!

Dragonheart & Merlin said...

Miles, that is a very good rule. We can't believe that any human could do such a thing!

Sammy, thank you for answering all those questions. We will work on keeping low profiles when we whap.

The Taylor CatSSSSS said...

Miles, sorry about this: BWAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! That is so funny, well maybe not to you!

Sammy: Wow, great answers to the whapping questions. You should teach a class or write a book or something!

Billy: Hi sweetie! Hows the feetsies? (this is from Auntie Deb)

Empress Bee (of the High Sea) said...

ahhh, add the mosquito technique to my whapping sarge! i get it!!! grate idea sammy. and thanks for answering my qwesten!! i was wondering if i should also add in a LITTLE bit of the bitey too???

smiles, auntie bee

TT said...


*ahem* Sorry Miles that was funny!

Cecil the Cougar: said...

FANKS!! What a good idea to sneak attack! I will pretend to give the bitey and then WHAP really really good!! This is a very advanced technique, but I feel up to it!

Purrageous Pirates said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Purrageous Pirates said...

Oh, I have a whapping question Sammy. How many whaps does it take the run the annoying kitten off? I keep whapping and whapping and he is STILL here! Can you help? Also, please do not tell your Lady how to whap my Lady. My Lady Boo doesn't like Abby whapping her. Thanks!

-Captain Jack

BILLY! PLAY NOW! Come ofur and we PLAY!! ALL DAY! PLAY!!!!!!!!


Tyler said...

Wow Sammy, you are the expert! I, Tyler here, have a whapping question. Am I allowed to whap my geezer sister Kali (who's a gazzilion years old or maybe just 18) after she's whapped me for no reason at all except that I'm on Mom's lap with her and she doesn't want to share?

jenianddean said...

Miles - Purrsonally I think it's very rude what your mom did, however, my mom thought it was too funny!

Sammy - thanks for all the whapping tips. I will have to try some of those after lunch.

-Jasper McKitten-Cat

Kaze, Latte, & Chase said...

You really are the master and what wonderful questions!! I really am learning so much. And Miles, that whole tongue thing happens to me too.


Tybalt said...

That helped a lot, Sammy!

Mr. Echo said...

I lern so much when I come heer. Thanks for the edumakayshun!

Name: Mr. Hendrix said...

i have learned so much from you. Bendrix is feverishly taking notes.

Creatures said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Junior said...

Miles~you got a naughty Mommy to be doing that to your tongue! Especially while you are trying to sleep!

Sammy~Wow! Those are great questions and great answers!!!!!

The Crew said...

A finger near the mouth may be subject to the bitey, depending on the mood of the mouth's owner.

Daisy said...

Thanks for answering all of our whapping questions!

Ana said...

Miles, this is a perfect rule! :-D

And great answers, Sammy!

HotMBC said...

Great answers, Whapmeister. I'll have to try out all those techniques and get back to you.

Good rule too, Miles. I definitely wouldn't like that a bit.

your bud Pepi

HotMBC said...

Oh Miles, I wouldn't go PPBPBPBPBPBPBPB and laff at yoo. Wanna come ofur and I'll show yoo how I doesn't do it?
And I'd luf to go wif yoo to Gretchen's party, handsum!
Purrrrrrs n nosekissies,
yore girlfriendcat Sanjee

Kellie The Orange Cat said...

Your whapping lessons are invaluable. I only have my Mum to whap, but I am willing to use your techniques to whap her. Thanks for the tips!

zevo hussein calamari said...

We will hire you as a Professor of Whapping at the Bite and Run University this coming semester. Thank you for your answers.

Thanks for checking in on Nubi... would you like him for a week or two?


Beau Beau & Angie said...

Such wonnerful advice! We finks yoo are onto somefin big here...

Princess said...

Superb answers!
We hope today was the greatest day ever!

Skeeter, LC, and Ayla said...

Hi guys, Ya won our auction of the Fishin-Kittie statoo for $15 fer Lilly Lu an friens. We sent a email. We need ta hear from ya...

FrecklesandDeb said...

We loved your answers to the important whapping questions. You are so wise!

Camie's Kitties said...

Sammy - when we fall asleep with our tongue hanging out - our mom pokes it back in our mouth for us. She does happen to mention that we look stupid at the time she is poking it back tho.

Miles - thanks for asking our question. We understand better now.

Tiki, Tavi, Cody and Camie

DaisyMae Maus said...

Ooo ... Speed-whappin' sounds like an Olympic event that certain Meezer Boys need to cultivate!


William said...

Miles, it's me, Caroline! Why don't you just bite her by accident? I mean, if you're sleeping and all, how can you be held responsible for what your sleeping teeth might do?

Grr, Midnight & Cocoa said...

Excellent answers! Rascal and I are the only real whappers here. We're hoping Grr, Cocoa and Riley will learn and join in on the sport.

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MILES It's been a while since we posted.  We doesn't know how much longer we will be keeping this blog.  I has cancer and Sammy ha...